there's a big part of modeling that i love - the fact that when i am on a platform in the middle of a room surrounded by a bunch of people i don't know, i am concentrating on the pose, perhaps counting in my head the seconds and minutes before the pose breaks, and the other part of my brain is evaluating my life as the seconds have passed by.

what did i do today ... yesterday ... the day before ... a week ago, that i liked?
did i make a decision that is moving me towards the right direction?
do i know what that direction is? -
all the bits seem to add up, metaphorically speaking of course, and all the pieces seem to come together. the strange but wonderous gift of being so still is that all of a sudden, the whirlpool of thoughts and decisions that fly around me like a freakin' tornado sit still with me oh so still... and i can pluck them out, one by one, and place them where they should be, the bits of the puzzle that make up me.